Kite Purity Test

This was first published in rec.kites back in Christmas 1996. It has been updated slightly. It is modelled shamelessly on the alt.*** purity test.

Score one point if you:

  1. Can recognise the difference in the sound of your sewing machine as the lower bobbin is running out of thread
  2. Can say “kite” in 5 different languages
  3. Can spell Wolfgang and Nop’s last names
  4. Have a kite web page
  5. Have a sleeving needle, fid or bridle tool about your person.  Right now
  6. Have already flown a kite today
  7. Have an internet account or machine name which includes “kite” or similar
  8. Have attended a Buggy Boogie Thang or NABX
  9. Have attended a casualty department because of a kite flying injury
  10. Have attended a kite workshop
  11. Have attended an AKA convention
  12. Have attended kite festivals in 3 or more continents
  13. Have been DQ’d from a kite competition (fight/stunt/construction/buggy race)
  14. Have been accused of being a “Festival Head”
  15. Have been arrested for kite flying
  16. Have been buzzed by Stafford Wallace
  17. Have been inside a Mega Kite (500m^2 or larger)
  18. Have been insulted by Frank Kenisky
  19. Have been on clearly identified as a kiteflier on broadcast Television
  20. Have been to the Fano festival
  21. Have bought kite line or fabric in bulk
  22. Have bought or sold a kite by email with someone you have never met
  23. Have broken a world record recognised by Kitelines or the AKA record committee
  24. Have broken line rated at more than 300lb
  25. Have broken or lost someone else’s kite
  26. Have buggied Nekkid and got the pin to prove it
  27. Have built a historic kite (Cody, French war, Eddy) from authentic materials
  28. Have built a kite from trash
  29. Have built a kite to your own, original design
  30. Have built an applique’d kite
  31. Have called out professionals (crane, electricity, fire) to retrieve a kite
  32. Have caught a Revolution you were flying
  33. Have deliberately flown a kite to the end of the line, then let it go
  34. Have destroyed a kite beyond repair
  35. Have died ripstop
  36. Have dropped your Fauna by chute from a kite
  37. Have exchanged pins with Dave Gomberg
  38. Have experienced AoxomoxoA
  39. Have flown Natalie’s Legs
  40. Have flown a Bob Ingraham delta
  41. Have flown a Gyro Kite
  42. Have flown a chinese dragon train
  43. Have flown a cow windsock
  44. Have flown a fighter from a flat roof
  45. Have flown a kite >100′ long (tail included)
  46. Have flown a kite before the age of 5 years
  47. Have flown a kite smaller than 1 square inch
  48. Have flown a kite whilst wearing fancy dress
  49. Have flown a rotor kite (eg: UFO Sam)
  50. Have flown an arch
  51. Have flown at night
  52. Have flown during a solar or lunar eclippse
  53. Have flown indoors
  54. Have flown through a dogstake
  55. Have forgone your scheduled competition slot in order to help marshal etc.
  56. Have given a kite away to a stranger (someone who’s name you don’t know)
  57. Have got a kite stuck up a tree
  58. Have had an article publised in a kite magazine
  59. Have ice buggied
  60. Have kite sailed
  61. Have kite stickers on your car
  62. Have kite-fished
  63. Have lost a kite
  64. Have maintained a kite FAQ for a forum or discussion group
  65. Have marshaled or judged in a competition or race
  66. Have met Corey Jensen inside Windbourne Kites
  67. Have organised a kite festival
  68. Have packed away a maxi kite for someone else
  69. Have paid excess baggage for your kites
  70. Have participared in a kite fight (Indian, Rokkaku or other)
  71. Have participated in #kites on irc
  72. Have participated in a Lee Toy Memorial project or contributed towards the Ray Bethel bench
  73. Have participated in a sweet or egg drop
  74. Have performed “groundwork” over and in water
  75. Have performed a 360 outside
  76. Have performed a Full Andrew
  77. Have performed an Axel
  78. Have played with one of George Peter’s non-kite toys (blowdarts, lizards)
  79. Have published a kite book
  80. Have retrieved files from the original Hawaii FTP archive
  81. Have seen Leter Lynn naked
  82. Have started a kite organisation which now has more than 10 members
  83. Have taken a Kite Aerial Photograph
  84. Have taken dirty kites into the shower with you
  85. Have taken sick-leave to go kite flying
  86. Have tandem buggied
  87. Have used a kite for lifting a radio ariel
  88. Have watched a Dodd Gross Kite video
  89. Have won a beer-lifting competition
  90. Have won in a kite competition (fight/stunt/construction/buggy race)
  91. Have worked on a kite buildng project today
  92. Have worn a Peter Lynn hat
  93. Have worn out a sewing machine
  94. Have worshiped Tim Benson
  95. Own 5 or more kite T-shirts
  96. Own a kite built by someone who’s now dead
  97. Own a kite with some pink in the sail
  98. Own a unique kite.  (built unique, not broken or modified uniquely)
  99. Own more kites than fit in your kite bag
  100. Subscribe to a kite magazine that’s not printed in your native language

I scored 62 in 1996. I’m now at 72 now (and I didn’t hit any of the “today” questions). Drop me a line by email with your name and score and I’ll compile a result table.


Reprinted with permission from –

Editor’s Note:

As of this publishing, the staff scores:

John B – 47
Spence W – 42
David H – 49

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