Went to the meat market tonight.
Said "I'd like half a rabbit please."
The butcher said "No, I don't split hares."
What do Politicians and coke bottles have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
Bethanie Wilson, this is you... Just add bubbles!
If you buy something in China,
does it say made around the corner?
A sheriff walks into a saloon and shouts for everyone's attention. "Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?"
"What's he look like?", asks one shoddy-looking cowboy.
"Well", replies the Sheriff. "He wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper waistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper boots, brown paper pants, and a brown paper jacket."
"So what's he wanted for?", asks the same cowboy.
I wish I had a small truck so I could take advantage of a contract hauling opportunity I saw posted the other day.
Seems a water-garden company wants a load of frogs delivered, but they have to be delivered in a special bog-like container that will fit in a pickup truck's bed.
They'll pay in food, which is exactly what me and the cat like best!
For each load delivered, the company will provide
one enormous home-baked casserole with a crust of middle-eastern flat bread.
My neighbor got a new hearing aid.
"It is state-of-the-art" he said. "It cost $4,000."
"Very impressive" I said. "What kind is it?"
"It's 12:30" he said.
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up,
hires a new grad with a PhD degree in
business administration to be boss. This new
boss is determined to rid the company of all
On a tour of the facilities, the new boss notices
a guy leaning against a wall. The room is full of
workers and he thinks this is his chance to
show everyone he means business! The boss
walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much
money do you make a week?"
Unflinching, the young fellow looks at hi...
According to the Associated Press:
Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing house yesterday.
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied...
Like a lot of husbands throughout history,
Webster would sit down and try to talk to his wife. But as soon as he would start to say something,
his wife would say,
"... And what's that supposed to mean?"
Thus, Webster's Dictionary was born.
31st Tactical Fighter Wing
Tuy Hua, Vietnam
The roughest distance between two points?